i feel like life's has been missing out a little something, maybe more.
i've been looking up to some kind of lifestyle which i wanna have recently.
and it never fails to affect me.

one of which is none other than relationships.
after several bad experiences, i've actually develop this kind of fear of commitment and being rejected.
who ever wished love wasn't mutual?
i was recently told that i'm actually in love despite my denial.
if that's the case then i'm all along in love and i didn't really know that i still am.
sometimes, i have this kind of 'what's love all about?' kind of queries up within the neurons.
nevermind about that, but actually, i still couldn't really let go of what happened although i looked like i had.
now that i'm caught in this dilemma, i have no idea what to do.
i've cut off any form of communication with her in thinking that i'm actually not affected at all.
just recently, on my birthday, her name appeared in my inbox which startled me.
all along, i was finding excuses for myself.

all my mugging sessions from late night to the wee hours in the morning now reminds me of the beautiful memories we had.
i'm desperately hoping that it's all just a mirage that happened and that i am still able to be there for you.
i doubt you will be reading this but i'm just in an awkward position to strike conversation with you.
i'm sorry for not replying.